I woke up earlier than usual, I don't remember when as im writing this the day after, I was so excited someone was coming over, most of the day was just me waiting for them to get off of work. I sat around on my computer, playing games and scrolling the internet, really my excitement was making the day slower, eventually they finally came, we were both anxious, they finally came inside and we talked for a bit and such. We were originally gonna just cuddle and watch movies but honestly it took other turns, I enjoyed them being there a lot I just wish it could've lasted a little longer. They had left around 2 am, honestly I was a little bummed, I was getting ready to throw on a show or movie, but they were heading out. As much as I wanted them to stay I wasn't gonna say much, after they finally left I started to overthink, remembering past situations. Memories of people just slowly talking to me less over the course of a few days just to block me. I started to feel scared, I just hoped they wouldn't do the same in the morning or something, then I just started thinking my two best friends, what would I do if I didn't have them. What would I do if I lost them, i'd really be alone for real, I know I don't really have that many real friends, I'm scared to lose the people I care about just like everyone else. I just feel like I'm either too much or not enough for people, usually the first one. I just laid there for the rest of the night, overthinking, frying my brain, putting myself in this terrible emotional hole. I'm glad I just eventually passed out.

I woke up at 10, feeling shitty still from all the thoughts last night, I got up and did mostly nothing, I struggled to move all day until I managed to get excited doing something, I worked on my vrchat avatar, generally I just came to the conclusion I was feeling so terrible from generally just how lonely I often feel, that feeling was just amplified from everything last night. I cleaned and watched tv, hung around and did not much. Finally I got on VRChat at the end of the day and talked to some people, I made a new friend atleast I think, it was nice.

Woke up from a dream after having been on VRC the night before, I remember dreaming about meeting some of my favorite furry musical artists on vrc. Honestly it was a weird schizo blur but it was really cool, I remember thinking.. I wish I could be their friend but I know that's not really how things work. I had to do the usual take care of all the animals, most of the day was pretty uneventful, started watching Suits again. I really like watching random TV, genuinely some of my favorite things to do. Often times I wish I could lay in my bed more, watch TV peacefully, staring at my ceiling kicking my legs like there's no tomorrow. If only life could be so perfect, for now I take what I can get. Ending the day playing CS2, hopefully getting on VRC after all this. It's nice to spend time with my friends.

I woke up after having played cpvp and talking to a friend, I ended up falling asleep on call with them. I was pretty happy today, I played more Minecraft, not much to do and it kept my mind off of no one being around. Later I ended up making a skin for my friend, wasn't really that hard, I had fun and it might have taken me like.. 45-55 minutes. Not bad at all honestly, it was fun to open up BlockBench, later I laid in bed and got on vc with them again, they're fun to talk to honestly. I'm a little worried though, i'm starting to cling onto them really hard, feeling a faint of that fuzziness. I have to make it shut up, I don't wanna ruin a perfectly good friendship because I got a little crush, just make it go away and do my best to be a normal person. I really do still get attatched too quickly. As the day keeps going, I feel more and more unhappy, talking to my mom and hearing her voice ruins my mood plenty, makes me feel like shit. Everytime she talks to me its like my spirits are crushed for no reason, reminds me of how much I wish I had a real family. I'm honestly gonna become one of those online family people in VRC, all because I wish for a real family so bad. I managed to make it go away, I just had to I don't know be in a more normal headspace it certainly helps, ending the day watching American Dad, awesome.

I woke up clearly exhausted from how long I had stayed up last night, I love talking to them but I should probably sleep a little more. When I had gotten home I ended up cleaning for a few hours and got the funny One Piece Popeyes collab meal, it was pretty good, very yum. I don't think I got on my computer all day, I made plans to get on VRC with someone but it seems any plan I make with them kinda just doesn't happen. I watched some TV and then I got in bed, my friend wanted to call and that was really cool, honestly yeah I like them a little. There's really nothing wrong with that, I don't forsee myself being able to tell them or anything, just one of those accept I like them a little. Atleast im in a good enough mental state to control how I feel, so atleast I know it's not just desperation, I feel comfortable with them and I hope they come over again so we can watch a movie or something. I hope I play No Man's Sky with them soon, it'll be nice to get back into that game. I ended up falling asleep with them on call, I fell asleep decently early.

I remember waking up refreshed, but I also did wake up once at like 3 AM, its finally the day before the release of Tomodachi Life Living the Dream, i'm quite excited and plan on staying up til midnight to play. I ended up playing my Minecraft server again for awhile before getting off, not too much has happened today but to be fair it's currently 9:51 AM as im writing this.